It's So Fluffy!
by pandorabox82
Summary: A secret tape from Hotch's past comes back to haunt the BAU when it is sent to Erin's personal email account, with the obvious intent of getting the man in trouble. Will Penelope be able to take care of the problem before the Director manages to find out about it? Inspired by the incomparable Jekkah!


"Ms. Garcia, I need to see you in my office, please." Penelope looked up into Erin Strauss's face, noting the slight blush to her cheeks, and the way she bit her lip nervously. She shifted back and forth on the balls of her feet and looked anywhere but at her, as if she was embarrassed about something.

"Sure. Do you want to do it now?" she asked, smiling widely as she stood up and went over to her side. The woman nodded and Penelope followed her out. There were looks given to them as they passed by the desks, an especially dark one coming from Blake. Penelope rolled her eyes at the woman and hurried to catch up with Erin. "So, what's up, Buttercup?" she asked as she closed the door behind them.

"Do you have to call me that ridiculous nickname?" she asked, smiling as she shook her head, taking a seat in front of her computer.

"Yes, because it discombobulates you so. And I know that's what my Der loves calling you, too." The blush became more pronounced and Erin tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "I know, I know, I'm not supposed to know about your relationship. But he's my best friend, and we share everything. Hence, I know about you two. You're going to have to go to Director Shepperd soon, you know."

This seemed to startle Erin, and she looked up at her. "What?"

"Oh shit, I wasn't supposed to… Damn me and my mouth. You didn't hear anything from me. Capiche?"

"Fine, I suppose." Erin huffed out a tiny little breath and Penelope giggled at the noise, coming around to Erin's side of the desk and resting a hip on her desk. "And you have to promise to keep this under wraps. And help me get rid of it."

She frowned a little as Erin called up her personal email client, clicking through on a link there. "Wait, is that YouPorn? What are you doing on YouPorn? You know that they monitor everything we look up here!" There were few things that got her hot and bothered, but this was one of them. And she didn't want the woman getting in trouble. "You know you can get suspended for things like this!"

"And I didn't want to do this in your office. Helen can keep the others out while we're in here. I need that privacy. Besides, it was your Boo who introduced me to this site." The off-handed comment caught Penelope off guard and she gasped a little, even as Erin began to blush even more. "We have to contain this."

Erin pointed at the screen and Penelope trained her eyes on the video as Erin pressed play. A very familiar, though much younger, man appeared and Penelope gasped. "Is that Hotch?" she squeaked out, her hand clutching at the pendant of her necklace.

"Yes," Erin replied shortly, turning her face away from the monitor. "It's had over ten thousand views already. I don't know if that's a lot or not, I'm not too familiar with this site. And I think that's one of our marshals at the end, fluffing him."

"Oh, oh, my. Wow. I don't think this was professional, Erin. It's too jumpy, and obviously shot in one take. Wow, I didn't think Boss Man could bend like that…oh my god, that's Haley! Yeah, this is so a homemade sex tape. Where did it come from?"

Penelope's hacker brain started to go into hyperdrive, especially when another man entered the picture, dropping to his knees and giving Hotch a blow job as he ate Haley out. She began to backtrack the username, finding that it had been created just a few days ago. "Someone sent me the link, so someone knows who Hotch is. This could spell disaster for us, especially given the outcome of the Replicator case."

She reached one hand out and felt Erin clasp it tightly. "This will be contained, I promise you. I'm going to check out the email that this link was sent to you from." Clicking on the previous tab, she noticed immediately that it was the same as the username on YouPorn. "Hmm, this is a little weird. Now I have to do some hacking. This could get messy, and I do not want it tracked back to you. Follow me to me office."

Erin nodded, watching her erase the history on her browser. "Thanks."

"You're worth it." The smile that spread across Erin's face took Penelope's breath away and she leaned forward, wrapping her arms around her waist. "Hey, if you say yes, you'll be my second best friend by proxy, so of course you're worth it."

"Oh!" It was then that Penelope realized that she had tipped Derek's hand, and she prayed he wouldn't kill her for the slip. "I see. Well. Um, we're not going to talk about that here. Okay?"

Penelope nodded and let go of Erin, smiling up at her face. There was still a smile on her lips and she let out the breath she had been holding. "All right, let's go do some digging!"

They went back to her office, and Erin sat on a clear spot on the desk, letting her feet swing. Penelope shook her head as she sat down, cracking her knuckles lightly as she began to plan how this was going to go down. "I'm going to need to log in to my email, you know."

"I know. I wouldn't hack into your email. I respect you too much for that." Penelope turned the monitor so that Erin could see it before sliding a keyboard over to her. She quickly tapped out her information and then slid the keyboard back, sighing lightly. "So, I wonder who this Apollo1 person is."

"That's morbidly funny, you realize."

She shook her head, starting to root around for IP addresses and other valuable clues to discovering the identity. "No, I didn't. Why so?"

"Well, the Apollo 1 mission ended in a destructive fire, which is exactly what will happen to us if this gets around the office."

Penelope nodded, opening up a search engine on another computer and running Apollo 1 through it as she worked on the address. Soon, she had it traced back to a café in Albuquerque, and she frowned up at Erin. "Do we know anyone in Albuquerque?"

"A branch of the Marshals is located there."

"Right." Penelope began to tap away once more, using the database search to run any and all matches between the Apollo 1 disaster and the people of the city. As she expected, a ton of connections were found, and she knew that she had to narrow it down some. "So, since it looks like they all knew each other quite well, I'm going to filter these matches down by people who have a connection to anyone who went to the same college Hotch and Haley went to."

A few more keystrokes brought the list down to a more manageable number and she smiled up at Erin. A knock on her door had them both looking up guiltily, and Erin reached out, curling her hand around Penelope's shoulder. "Who is it?" she called out shortly.

"Morgan. Let me in."

"Of course you can come in, Boo! Close the door behind you!" Penelope replied, shrugging lightly at Erin. "Everything will be fine."

"Says you," Erin muttered, watching the doorway. Derek quickly closed and locked the door before striding over to Erin and kissing her sweetly. "Not in front of our friends, honey." She spread her hand out over his chest as he chuckled, shaking his head.

"Always in front of our friends, Pretty Lady." He kissed her once more and Penelope sighed as she watched them together. "Now, why are two of the most beautiful women in the BAU holed up here, looking all serious?"

"We have had a serious breach in etiquette that Penelope is desperately trying to correct before it blows up in our faces."

"That sounds dire," he replied as he sat next to Erin, tugging her close. Penelope was surprised to see how quickly Erin melted against him, her body molding to his as she rested her head on his chest. "Can you share what's going on?"

"Not really. I want to try and keep this as quiet as possible."

The computer dinged as the best possible match was highlighted, and Penelope turned back to her screen. "Ooh, you were right about there being a connection to the Marshal Service," she quietly said. "This is going to be one messy situation to clear up. I think it's time we got Hotch in here."

Erin cocked her head to the side and Penelope turned the monitor so that she could see it. A soft gasp escaped her lips and Penelope nodded. "Yes, please call him and have him join us."

"Right away, Erin." She picked up her phone and pressed Hotch's extension button. It didn't take him long to pick up and before he could say anything, she spoke. "Hotch, I need you to get down to my office, now. We have a serious containment issue happening."

"What? Garcia you aren't making any sense."

"Everything will make sense when you get here. Just, hurry."

"I'll be there in a few moments." He hung up with her and she leaned back in her chair, looking at the couple in front of her.

"You know if you sit like that, Hotch is going to know you're a couple. I thought you wanted to keep things hidden for a little while longer."

"Erin does. She doesn't think that anyone else besides you knows we're a couple."

"Excuse me? Who else knows?"

The soft, dangerous, tone Erin spoke in caused Penelope to giggle uncontrollably, and Erin turned her laser glare on her. "Don't kill me! Everyone knows! Helen mentioned something to me in passing in front of Anderson and he told Gina, who told Seaver, who in turn told Swann, who may or may not have casually mentioned it to Hotch. Sorry!"

Erin sighed and buried her face in the fabric of Derek's shirt. "There goes anonymity. You are so lucky I love you, Der."

"And I wouldn't have it any other way, babe." He kissed her forehead as the doorknob rattled, and Penelope scooted over, opening it for Hotch. "Hey, these two wouldn't tell me what's going on, only that's it's potentially bad. I'm assuming you did something you don't want to share with us?" he teased, pinching Erin's side and causing her to gasp.

"I have no idea what I could have done that would warrant your attention, Erin."

"This…was not recent. Think back to your college days."

As Penelope watched, the blood from Hotch's face drained and he staggered a bit before taking a seat on her chair. "You saw that? I thought that Marshall and I had the only copies."

"Well, that may have been true until a vengeful ex-fiancé posted the footage on YouPorn. It is out there now for all the world to see."

Hotch turned to look at Erin, and Penelope saw a deep blush spread across her face once more. "And that was how you found this, Ma'am?"

She shook her head as Derek protectively drew her closer to him. "No, Hotch. We didn't find it that way. And it is perfectly acceptable to discover new ways to play in the bedroom by watching a little porn."

Hotch looked slightly mollified by Derek's quick defense of them, and Erin smiled up at her lover. "Thank you, honey." She turned her gaze back to Hotch. "Someone sent me that link. So that same someone knows I'm your boss and that this could get you in trouble. Now, from what I understand about the Internet, is that no matter how hard you try to get rid of something, it will always be there, turning up like a bad penny." He nodded. "So, what we have to do is contain this. And I have no idea how to possibly do that."

"I'm assuming that by doing nothing, we'll just anger this woman further." Penelope said, looking into Erin's eyes. She nodded. "So, you should probably write her back and tell her that you have taken care of the situation and thank her for bringing this to your attention. Perhaps by acknowledging this, she'll be pacified."

"I think that's going to be for the best." Erin smiled gently at her. "Though I have to say, Aaron, that your hair was absolutely gorgeous back in the day. It was so fluffy!" There was a soft twinkle in her eye and Penelope tried to smother the giggle that threatened to erupt. "Really, so fluffy." And then she dissolved into a fit of laughter, burying her face in Derek's shoulder, unable to look at him. "I'm sorry, I should be taking this more seriously, since if anyone else were to see this and bring it to the Director's attention, heads will roll. I just, I can't."

Penelope finally began to laugh, too, seeing the way that Hotch was blushing and looking anywhere but at them. "She's right, Boss Man. It was really fluffy. I'll pull it down from YouPorn, no worries, and tell this Abigail chick that not only is she messing with the wrong people, she is putting her own career on the line. Don't worry, we've got your back." She leaned in and pecked his cheek lightly.

"But not like Marshall had your front," Erin said through another gale of laughter. Derek rubbed her arm gently and grinned at them, a million thoughts running through his head. Penelope could tell by the way he looked at her and then at Hotch. "I'm sorry. I'm just a little stressed out and trying to relieve the pressure in a more healthy way."

"I know a healthy way we can work out your stress," Derek growled lowly in Erin's ear and she squirmed a little as Penelope just laughed some more. "Would you be up to scooting out early with me?"

She nodded, smiling up at him. "That might be nice today. No cameras allowed, though, okay?"

He chuckled and nodded, sliding off the desk and holding his hand out to Erin. "That is perfectly okay with me. Are you ready to make things a little more public?" She nodded and accepted his hand, letting him pull her close and lead her out of the office. Penelope sighed as she watched them go, a tender smile spreading across her face.

"You're lucky that she still likes us, after what happened with the Replicator," Hotch said drily.

"Correction, you are still lucky that she likes you. I'm one of her closest friends, who helped her pick up the pieces of her life after you let the Replicator shoot Rossi. And JJ." Tears stung her eyes as she looked away from him, quickly shutting down her computers. "I'm getting out of here, too. Everything will be taken care of by tomorrow."

Brushing past him, she picked up her purse and hurried after Derek and Erin, finally catching them at the elevators. "You can't come home with us, Baby Girl."

"Aw, really? I was hoping to join in on the fun," she teased, slinging her arm around Erin's waist and snuggling her close. It was a risky move, since she knew that Erin didn't really like too many public displays of affection. But today was different, today she needed to hold onto a friend, and she hoped Erin understood that.

"I don't know, Der, we could take her home for lunch and then have our personal time." They stepped onto the elevator, and Erin rested her head on Penelope's shoulder. "I think someone could use a friend or two at the moment."  
Derek looked at her and she smiled weakly at him. Nodding, he hugged both of them tightly, and she heard Erin giggle lightly. "What, Buttercup?" he asked lowly.

"Is that a ring box in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?" she teased as he let go of them, grinning at her.

"Why don't you reach your hand in there and see?" he saucily replied and Penelope laughed as Erin shook her head and did just that, pulling out the same box Penelope knew contained her ring. She opened it with a soft gasp, a pleased smile spreading across her face. "I don't know how you feel about marriage, given how your first one ended, so I want you to consider this a promise ring. Until you're ready to make it more official, since there's nothing more permanent than a promise."

Erin nodded as he slipped the tanzanite ring out of its bed of velvet and onto her finger. It looked even better on Erin's finger than it had in the store and she pulled out a few tissues from her purse, handing one to Erin so that she could dab her eyes free of tears. "All right. You know that I'm still tender, right?" she whispered, looking into his eyes, seeming to forget that Penelope was there, too.

"I know. I am, too. I lost two good friends that day." She nodded and wrapped her arms around him, holding on to him tightly. Penelope felt tears prickle her eyes as Derek held out an arm, inviting her to join the hug. "You know, you're kinda fluffy, too, Baby Girl."

Erin started to giggle a little as she kissed Derek's cheek softly. "No, she's beautiful. Even if her hair is a bit fluffy today." Resting her head on Derek's chest, she smiled at Penelope as the doors opened. "So, come on over for lunch, I think I have a bottle of non-alcoholic champagne squirreled away and we can celebrate our promise to each other."

"Yes, Ma'am." She smiled and went over to her car, happy that her friends were moving on with life and that she was being included in their happiness. Maybe now things could begin to get back to normal in all their lives.


End file.
